“A love I always fall too deeply.

 

– post reflection from Nurliyana Rahmat, a Sout Ilaahi volunteer

“A love I always fall too deeply. Sometimes you’ll meet someone and you get so close, too close. Someone amazing, someone who helps you to get close to Allāh and Rasūlullāh (sallā Allāhu ʿalayhi wa-sallam). Then one day, they become the furthest one away from you. I’ve had to go through it over and over again only to understand that Allāh will test me with those who I love the most only because of His immense love for me.

Losing becomes a training for me to let go and keep letting go. See Allāh in everything around you and know that they are owned by Allāh. Therefore, He has the right to take them away. What does that have to do with immense love? It’s because I knew Allāh loves me so much that He only wants my heart to be filled with Him. “The fasting of the elite is from anything and everything other than Allāh.” Syakh Mohammed Aslam said (Paraphrased). It’s like Allāh is helping me fast from everyone and everything else.

Allāh wanted me for Himself and when I see that with clarity, this heart just felt so much love. It’s amazing how He can love me this much when I’m merely His ‘abd. It becomes easier when your heart is in the presence of Him because it’s in that, that you’ll see Him with light of love, unimaginable. Can you imagine Allāh wanting you to Himself? Devotion is not actually our actions but His because one cannot simply devote himself without Him allowing it.

Whenever something happens now, I always remind myself that every one will leave in one way or another and I have to know that it is only natural and what I seek now is to reunite with those whom I love. I don’t hope to part with anyone but detaching from temporal beings and attaching to the One made me felt so free, knowing that with His strength comes mine and that’s why He wanted me to lean on to Him for every loss that I faced till it becomes the only thing I lean on to; His strong rope of love and hope.

It’s amazing how tests of this life is actually also a preparation for the Afterlife to come. Who else will be there with me except Him? Who else will accompany me in the darkness except for Him? So walk this life as a single soul with Him, not excluding everyone but that your heart is only full of Him and His Beloved (sallā Allāhu ʿalayhi wa-sallam) because you will one day be alone with Him seeking His beloved’s (sallā Allāhu ʿalayhi wa-sallam) help. In darkness of the night, retreat to Him because in the darkness of the Hereafter too, only from Him will you be able to seek for help.

Allāh created Rasūlullāh’s (sallā Allāhu ʿalayhi wa-sallam) light first before all of creation as an indication for us to seek him now to get to Allāh. For the only one who was allowed to meet Allāh was him (sallā Allāhu ʿalayhi wa-sallam). How incredibly fortunate are we to be a part of His ummah! The one that Allāh loves so much that He protected Rasūlullāh’s (sallā Allāhu ʿalayhi wa-sallam) ummah from being exposed of their sins in the revelations, not like the previous nations, out of not wanting Rasūlullāh (sallā Allāhu ʿalayhi wa-sallam) to be upset.

A love like this is irreplaceable. There shouldn’t be any greater love apart from You. Oh Allāh, if Your mercy is that great in dunyā, allow it to manifest itself in the Hereafter because all of us, we really yearn for You and Your beloved (sallā Allāhu ʿalayhi wa-sallam). Therefore, make this yearning burn in our hearts from now till the very end, when we eventually seek You and the intercession of Your beloved (sallā Allāhu ʿalayhi wa-sallam).

May Allāh (subhānahū wa-taʿālā) and Rasūlullāh (sallā Allāhu ʿalayhi wa-sallam) be our sight. May Allāh (subhānahū wa-taʿālā) and Rasūlullāh (sallā Allāhu ʿalayhi wa-sallam) be our hearing. May Allāh (subhānahū wa-taʿālā) and Rasūlullāh (sallā Allāhu ʿalayhi wa-sallam) be our speech. May Allāh (subhānahū wa-taʿālā) and Rasūlullāh (sallā Allāhu ʿalayhi wa-sallam) be our every movement. Allāhumma ameen.”

– post reflection from Nurliyana Rahmat, a Sout Ilaahi volunteer. May Allah bless her.